LOL eee POP

I must be doing alright then twitter.com/9GAG/status/30…

— 9GAG (@9GAG) March 2, 2013

Pink fantasy

Hell No

SO00000000, myself and 3.2 million other gamers just witnessed the unveiling of the Playstation 4.

Did anyone else notice?

Not a single female panelist/presenter!!!!

HOLY SHIT!

Really?

Really Sony?

Misogynistic and grotesque. 

I really don't have the right computer to use Second Life anymore.  They have made the software so that the average computer user can't use it without constantly overheating and crashing, even at the lowest graphic setting.

I still love SL.  SL was an important part of my healing journey.  I hope it will be a part of my journey still.  I still have so many ideas, and the artistic expression has been so good for healing the pain I have experienced in recent years.

I wish that I could find a job that paid well enough to afford to use Second Life, or a job in Second Life that would allow me to buy a gaming pc.

But truthfully, I don't see that happening.

I have the Android phone apps, too.  So i can log in and chat.

I recently bought an xbox.  It would be good if SL had a console version.  Because it has a bigger fan and is built to handle 3d graphics like that.  Most people's computers can't.  And I haven't owned a desk top computer in a decade.  And now all that is sold retail are all in one's and they can't handle the heat and graphics either.

Most people don't have time or money for a custom pc just to run a single program.

I miss it a lot.

It healed me because everything was so creative and there was like no judgement.  It was like a great experiment to find your true self.  It was like being in a playground but it was all really smart adults.

I really didn't like when they let people under 18 on the main grid.  Because it limited a lot of expression and it was scary.

I don't really want to be in porn land, but I would like to be in a virtual world without any kids.  So I don't have to worry about offending someone if I say the F word or rip off my shirt to be silly, or other dirty jokes.  Because dirty jokes are funny.

Education things can be on teen grid.  I guess it sucks if a company wants to market classes to kids as well as adults, but truthfully, you need a different learning environment for each anyway.

And lindens stopped giving discounts to nonprofits and edu sims so basically it's just a game/social network now.

I tried to get Buddhist teachers to come in world, but no legit Buddhist teachers will come.

From personal pain and experience, don't put your faith in the hands of any of the people who "teach" Dharma there.

It's ok to join chanting groups and meditate, but a lot of the teachers at the big sim (not Kannonji, the other one) are just scammers out to make some moneys.

Not all of them, but some of them are pretty smelly.

I was so naive and I got hurt, it keeps happening to me. So I think I will just alt out as a jaded hooker.

hehehe.

But I love it. I miss it.

Even alting out as a jaded hooker teaches me to accept all living beings and my own imperfections.

:P

People Be Crazy

I have been so busy, that I haven't had much time for Second Life or blogging.  But the other day, after the disaster in Aurora CO, I just felt moved to try to express my feelings about it.  So I dressed my Avatar Samadhi Quandry to look how I was feeling, and such.

I went to high school in RL in Aurora CO, so it was just too close to home what happened. 

I hope people will learn to love one another.  I wonder how these terrible things happen.  I cried a couple of days.

Here are some of my favorite I took.

The Buddha in the Dirty ROoM

I have been into Dharma the past couple of days, almost like before.  But with hesitation you know because I am scared of starving to death if I don't work day and night.

It's been weird... like a calling I hear and can't ignore.

And I have been reading the teachings of this one dude.  He's amazing.  He's so real and unabashed.  It's a little scary.  You can tell he doesn't care if people don't like him or talk crap about him and don't give him money. 

He's normal.

But I have no idea where he lives or what he's doing. 

Then I am reading these teachings of his... it's just mind blowing.  Like he is so funky.

I get crushes.  I got a crush.  Little brown man where are you.

So he tells his story.  And he is talking about how seeing the Buddha nature is like cleaning a room.

A messy room... the junk in the room is not the room.  Essentially the room is a clean room.  The Buddha is somehow in the room with the garbage.  Maybe if you take the garbage out, it is easier to see.

Since I gave up ordination permanently.  I have been living with garbage.  It's how I feel all the time.  I try not to get depressed about it, the garbage doesn't muddle or destroy who I really am.  It's just extra crap laying around.

But it does have an impact on my mindfulness.  And when I listen to teachings and stuff, it's like I really want to toss out the garbage and just have the peace of a clean room.

But I can't.

That's what ordained people do... they live without the garbage.  And although I have a lot less garbage than most lay people.  Because I am still celibate and I live alone... and even my family is gone from my life... god it just still feels like too much garbage.

There is bill garbage, trying to build my reputation garbage, trying to get my health back garbage. 

And then I have all this garbage where I feel totally unloved and unappreciated.  If I died today.  No one would know I was dead until I started smelling.  I kid you not.  No one ever calls me, or visits me.

And I wanted to be alone, I don't want kids and a husband and that garbage.

But we all need a little bit of garbage.  Like the nuns living together... it creates like a little bit of garbage in their lives.  Because some of them are really crazy and stuff.

So what is left. 

Do i just let go of the garbage and life in general?

Because ultimately, this life... it's extra too.  They call it clinging to existence... trying to keep all the pieces together... it's just taking so much energy.

And no matter what you do, ultimately all of the pieces fall apart.

I tell myself all the time... it doesn't matter... but actually it does.  The garbage is depressing, and it's just high maintenance.

And I wonder why... why is it that I am so attached.

I just want the pure lite... I have wanted it for so long.

I'm just tired of the extra.

But if the extra is also intertwined with the light... then what?